Colossians 3:18-19

CRITICAL AND EXPLANATORY NOTES

Colossians 3:18. As it is fit in the Lord.—See Ephesians 5:22. The feeling of propriety St. Paul emphasises here, and limits it “in the Lord.”

Colossians 3:19. Be not bitter against them.—As love in its most degraded form might alternate with paroxysms of anger, St. Paul uses the nobler word for Christian love which casts out hatred as well as fear.

MAIN HOMILETICS OF THE PARAGRAGH.— Colossians 3:18

Duties of Husbands and Wives.

After the apostle has laid down the law of duty for the government of all Christians in the general conduct of life, he proceeds to show the application of the same law to the domestic relationships. Obedience to the law in the general is an excellent preparation for observing it in the particular: the best Christian will make the best husband or wife. The morality of Christianity is one of its brightest glories and most beneficent influences; it provides for the purity and happiness of domestic life, and where it rules all is peace, love, and contentment. Where polygamy prevails, as in heathen and Mahometan countries, the most lamentable domestic complications occur, and all is distraction and misery. The family is the source and pattern of society. If the family is corrupt and disorganised, society suffers. A holy, well-regulated household is a regenerative force in society. It is in the home that the social principle finds its highest development. There the tenderest feelings are roused, the deepest and most permanent impressions made, the foundation and first rough outlines of what we may become laid down and indicated, the first principle of good or evil imbibed, and the mightiest moral forces brought into play. Much, therefore, depends upon the understanding that exists between the husband and wife, and the way in which they discharge their mutual duties, as to what shall be the character of the household government. The apostle, in enforcing these relative duties, mentions the three classes which divide the domestic circle—husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants. He begins with the inferior relation in each class—wife, child, servant—perhaps, because the difficulty of obedience is greater, because in disputes it is the duty of the humbler party to submit, and because the discharge of duty by that party is the surest method of securing it in the other.
I. The duty of the wife is submission to the husband.—“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands” (Colossians 3:18).

1. This implies dependence.—It is the divine order that “the husband is the head of the wife.” In point of nature, and of their relation to God, they are both equal; but when brought into the married relation the husband has the first place, and the wife, as the weaker vessel, and under a sense of dependence, is called to submit. Where the order is reversed, and the wife takes the lead, mischief is sure to ensue. Not that woman is to be the slave and drudge of her husband; but the relationship between the two ought to be so adjusted by the power of religion that the wife is never rudely reminded of her state of dependence.

2. Implies respect.—It is difficult to respect some men, and still more difficult to love where we cannot respect. But the apostolic injunction is emphatic: “Let the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Though the husband be a reckless, incapable ne’er-do-well, the wife is to respect the position of her husband and show him deference as the head of the family. Alas! how many a noble woman has had her life embittered by a worthless husband, but who, with a heroism, truly sublime, and a love truly angelical, has bravely done her duty and striven to screen the faults of the man who caused her misery.

3. Implies obedience in all things lawful.—St. Peter refers to “the holy women in the old time, being in subjection unto their own husbands, even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1 Peter 3:5). A true wife is wholly devoted to her husband. She will care for his person, property, health, character, and reputation, as for her own. In all things reasonable and lawful she will rejoice to meet the requests of her husband and follow his counsel.

II. The submission of the wife to the husband is governed by religious principle.—“As it is fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). The wife is first to submit herself fully to Christ, and, from love to Him, to submit herself to her own husband, and to look upon her subjection as service done to Christ. This will be a consolation and strength to her in many an unkind word from a cruel, apathetic, and unappreciative husband. It would never do for two wills to be ruling a family. There would be endless clashing and confusion. It is the divine arrangement that the husband is the head of the house, and “it is fit in the Lord” that the wife should be in subjection. She is not to forget her responsibility to God in a slavish, unreasoning, and sinful obedience to her husband. Governed by a pure and lofty religious principle, she may so fulfil her duty as to win, or at least disarm, her unreasonable partner. A wise submission may sometimes work wonders. She stoops to conquer. An old writer has said: “A wife is ordained for man, like a little Zoar—a city of refuge to fly to in all his troubles.”

III. The duty of the husband is to show affection towards the wife.—

1. This affection is to be genuinely manifested. “Husbands, love your wives” (Colossians 3:19). Obligation is not all on one side. The husband is not less bound to discharge his duty to his wife than the wife to him. Love is the sum of the husband’s duty, and that which will regulate every other. Where love rules, the family circle becomes a tranquil and cherished haven of rest, peace, harmony, and joy. Nor is it enough that this affection should be recognised as a matter of course—let it be manifested. That woman is a strange, heartless shrew who is unaffected by the gentle evidences of a devoted and manly love. The true wife needs, craves for, and knows how to appreciate a genuine and evident affection. Let the husband show the same tender and considerate regard to his wife as life advances and cares multiply as when he stood by her side at the altar, a lovely and confiding bride.

2. This affection is to be free from harshness.—“And be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). It is evidently implied that the love of a Christian heart may be marred by a sour and morose temper. It is ungenerous and cruel to vent upon his wife and family the anger which the man had not the courage to display before those who roused it when mixing among them in the world. Bitterness may be manifested as much by a cold, repulsive silence as by the most stinging words of sharp and angry reproof, or by the irritating actions of a wilful and tantalising conduct. It is a species of savage and fiendish brutality for a husband to study how he can inflict the keenest torture on a loving and submissive nature. It sometimes requires the most assiduous art of the tenderest affection to repair the damage done by a single word. Amid the perplexities and trials of married life many occasions will arise in which mutual patience and forbearance will need to be exercised. Let love reign supreme, and banish the first symptoms of a harsh and churlish disposition.

Lessons.—

1. Be careful whom you marry.

2. Beware of the first quarrel.

3. Bear with Christian resignation the life-consequences of an unfortunate choice.

4. Connubial bliss is attained only by the faithful exercise of mutual duties.