Colossians 3:20-21

CRITICAL AND EXPLANATORY NOTES

Colossians 3:20. For this is well-pleasing.— Ephesians 6:1: “This is right.” What in Ephesians is regarded as an equitable due from child to parent is here looked at in another light. The best commentary is Luke 2:51. The child Jesus was subject to his parents and increased in favour with God.

Colossians 3:21. Fathers, provoke not your children.—The word for “provoke” is not the same as in Ephesians 6:4. There the word is “do not exasperate.” Here it is “do not irritate.” The difficulty of discriminating between them may perhaps show how near the original words are in meaning. “Irritation is the first consequence of being too exacting with children, and irritation leads to moroseness” (Lightfoot). Lest they be discouraged.—Broken-spirited. It is a sad sight to see a man for whom the stress of life has been too much, but to see a child cowed and dejected—the world has no sadder spectacle.

MAIN HOMILETICS OF THE PARAGRAPH.— Colossians 3:20

Duties of Parents and Children.

It is God who hath set the solitary in families. The domestic constitution is the formal type of all governments. If discipline is neglected in the home, it is rarely that the loss is made up when the untaught becomes a citizen of the world. Coleridge has well said: “If you bring up your children in a way which puts them out of sympathy with the religious feelings of the nation in which they live, the chances are that they will ultimately turn out ruffians or fanatics, and one as likely as the other.” “A wise son maketh a glad father; but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother” (Proverbs 10:1). Lord Bacon observes that fathers have most comfort of the good proof of their sons, but the mothers have most discomfort of their ill proof. It is therefore of vital importance that the reciprocal duties of parents and children should be faithfully and diligently observed. These verses indicate the character of filial duty and of parental authority. Observe:—

I. That the duty of the child to the parent is to obey.—

1. This obedience is universal. “Children, obey your parents in all things” (Colossians 3:20). The Old Testament law commands, “Honour thy father and thy mother”; and the most signal way in which a child can honour his parents is to obey them. Parents have learnt wisdom by experience; they know the dangers that threaten their children, and are in a position to offer wise and judicious counsel. Filial obedience should be prompt, cheerful, self-denying, uniform; not dilatory and reluctant. It is universal in its obligation, and is binding, not only in those commands that are pleasant to obey, but in those that are troublesome, and that seem unreasonable and perverse, so long as they do not involve a violation of divine law. It is a painful spectacle to see a child defy parental authority, and even exult in his rebellion and in the distress it causes his father and mother. But filial disobedience rarely reaches such a pitch of cruel retaliation without there having been some defect in the early training. The child who renders due reverence to his parents is sure to meet with the rich rewards of heaven in the enjoyment of temporal and spiritual blessing.

2. This obedience is qualified and limited by the divine approval.—“For this is well-pleasing unto God” (Colossians 3:20). It is only when the commands of the parent are in harmony with the will of God that the child is bound to obey, and a powerful motive to practise obedience is derived from the fact that it “is well-pleasing unto the Lord.” The parent has no authority to enforce obedience beyond what has been given to him of God; and the exercise of that authority must ever be in subjection to the higher authority of the divine law. Obedience to parents in what is right is obedience to the Lord. It is the way of safety and of happiness. A little boy, about seven years old, was on a visit to a lady who was very fond of him. One day, at breakfast, there was some hot bread on the table, and it was handed to him; but he would not take it. “Do you not like hot bread?” asked the lady. “Yes,” said the boy; “I like it very much.” “Then, my dear, why do you do not take some?” “Because,” he said, “my father does not wish me to eat hot bread.” “But your father is a great way off,” said the lady, “and will not know whether you eat it or not. You may take it for once; there will be no harm in that.” “No, ma’am; I will not disobey my father and my mother. I must do what they have told me to do, although they are a great way off. I would not touch it if I was sure nobody would see me. I myself should know it, and that would be enough to make me unhappy.” A reckless disobedience of parental authority will not go unpunished. The example of Christ’s subjection to his earthly parents exalts filial duty into a sublime and holy exercise.

II. That the duty of the parent to the child is to rule.—

1. The parent is not to rule in a spirit of exasperating severity. “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger” (Colossians 3:21). The obedience of the child will be very much influenced by the character of the parental government. Counsel, remonstrance, and even chastisement will be necessary in the successful training of children. But discipline is to be administered so wisely, lovingly, and firmly as not to irritate to rebellion, but to subdue and bend into obedience. An excessive severity is as baneful as an excessive indulgence.

“The voice of parents is the voice of God,
For to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants;
Made fathers, not for common uses merely,
But to steer
The wanton freight of youth through storms and dangers,
Which, with full sails, they bear upon and straighten
The mortal line of life they bend so often.
For these are we made fathers, and for these
May challenge duty on our children’s part.
Obedience is the sacrifice of angels,
Whose form you carry.”—Shakespeare.

2. To rule in a spirit of exasperating severity tends only to dishearten.—“Lest they be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). If the child sees that all his endeavours to please are in vain, and that he is repulsed with sternness and cruel severity, he loses heart, and becomes sullen or morose, or is stung into a state of desperate revenge. To be perpetually fault-finding, and to gratify your angry passions in brutal, savage chastisement, will crush the spirit of any youth, and perhaps transform him into a monster more terrible than yourself. Children are to be led, not driven; to be treated as reasonable beings, not forced like brute animals; to be encouraged by commendation where it is merited, and the defects of their obedience kindly interpreted. A certain writer has significantly said: “What if God should place in your hand a diamond, and tell you to inscribe on it a sentence which should be read at the last day, and shown there as an index of your own thoughts and feelings? What care, what caution, would you exercise in the selection! Now this is what God has done. He has placed before you the immortal minds of your children, more imperishable than the diamond, on which you are about to inscribe every day and every hour, by your instruction, by your spirit, or by your example, something that will remain and be exhibited for or against you at the judgment-day.”

Lessons.—

1. To rule wisely we must first learn to obey.

2. Disobedience is the essence of all sin.

3. That government is the most effective that tempers justice with mercy.