2 Samuel 16:17

Is this thy kindness to thy friend?

The character of Christ as a friend, and the inquiry He often proposes to each of His disciples

Friendship is the state of minds united by mutual benevolence. It has always been deemed one of the essential articles of human life and comfort. Men have pursued it for their honour, as well as for their happiness; for it is considered as disgraceful as it is distressing, to be without a friend. And who are those who, after a while, lose social intercourse and kind regards, but those who deserve it?--as whisperers, tale-bearers, backbiters, despisers of them that are good, and lovers of themselves. For he that will have friends must show himself friendly, “and there is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” General associations will not supply the place of a friend. Gossips and visitors and acquaintances are not friends, unless such as Cowper speaks of, “belonging to the lady who has her dear five hundred friends,” whom she always found sycophants in her house, and every one of whom, before they reach their homes, are running her down. For while “the friendship of the world is enmity with God,” it is hypocrisy with men; and no conditions or rank places a man above the attractions of friendship. Kings have laid aside their royalties to indulge in it. Alexander would have found a conquered world a void without an Hephaestion. The dearest relations in life cannot supersede friendship. To the beloved name of brother and sister, husband and wife, must be added that of a friend, in order to fill up the comforts of human life. Oh, friendship, thou benefactor and comforter of the human race! how necessary art thou in a vale of tears, and in a world full of “vanity and vexation of spirit!” Thou art the delight of sanguine youth, and the prop of trembling age. Thou art the sweetener of prosperity, and the solace of adversity. The burdened heart, at thy presence, is relieved, and afflictions by thy hand are deprived of their tears. But while we hail the individual who has found a real friend, we are constrained to observe that it Is not very easy to find one. And, when you have laid down the infallible marks of a real friend, many who have worn the title will be found unworthy of the name, and “weighed in the balances,” will be found wanting. I make no apology for applying the inquiry to Christian experience. Nor shall I enter into the circumstances of the history in which it is found. Suffice it to say it is the language of Absalom, complaining of the conduct of Hushai.

I. We have to show that you have a friend. His adversaries called Him “the Friend of sinners,” and their design was to charge Him with being a Friend to their sins. This was infinitely false; but He was a Friend to their souls. This was infinitely true. He came to seek and to save that which was lost. Now let us look at a few of the qualities of this friend.

1. The characteristic of Benevolence. What is benevolence? Benevolence among men is often little more than a commerce of selfishness, and the offspring of sordid gain. Friendship amongst men arises from the possession of some amiable quality in the object regarded, either real or imaginary. But His friendship arises from no excellency in its subject, but is all undeserved favour.

2. The second characteristic of this friendship h sincerity. He is a friend who loves, not in words--in tongue, but in deed and in truth. “He gives us all things richly to enjoy.”

3. A third characteristic of this friendship is ability. Where the ear is heavy, that it cannot hear, the hand is often shortened, that it cannot save. Nothing is more painful to real affection than inability. To see a beloved object suffering beyond your reach,--to behold in him wants which you cannot relieve,--to witness in him pains which you cannot alleviate,--to hear the voice from parched lips, “Pity me, pity me, Oh ye, my friends, for the hand of God hath touched me,” and to be able only to shed unavailing tears.

(1) Speak we of wisdom? “His understanding is infinite.”

(2) Speak we of wealth? His riches are boundless. “The world is His, and the fulness thereof” in heaven and in earth. Speak we of strength?” Lo! He is “strong” Nothing is too hard for Him. The Emperor Theodosius, having, on a signal occasion, opened all his prisons and released the prisoners, is reported to have said, “And now would to God I could open all the tombs and give life to the dead!” This was a noble saying, but in him it was an ineffectual one. However it is not so in regard to the Lord Jesus.

(4) Fidelity is the fourth characteristic of this friendship. It was wrong in David to say, “All men are liars.” He owns himself that he said it in his haste, and he should not have said it at all. There were few who ever had more faithful adherents than he.

(5) The last characteristic of this friendship which we shall mention is perpetuity. Now this is distinguishable from the former article. That regards the stability of friendship, this regards the continuance of it. For, however true, however faithful, a friend may be, he is mortal. “His breath goeth forth, he returneth to the dust: in that very day his thoughts perish.” Mortality is written on everything here. Yet have we “set our hearts upon that which is not.” But what is the language of Jesus? “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.”

II. That you have often behaved very inconsistently, and improperly towards him, so as to constrain Him to say, “Is this thy kindness to thy friend?” We premise here two things.

(1) That it is not to be supposed that you can fully discharge the obligations you are under to this Friend, in this weak state of flesh and blood. But then you ought to be sensible of them, and show that you are willing to make suitable returns, though you cannot make adequate returns; and to be always asking, “Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do?” Therefore,

(2) we observe that God expects us to make suitable returns, and is disappointed if we do not.

Oh, what instances of ingratitude and unkindness compel Him to say, “Is this thy kindness to thy friend?” He does expect gratitude and a sense of obligation in His beneficiaries.

(1) It is reasonable and righteous for your friend to expect that you should obey him. “He that hath My commandments and keepeth them,” saith the Saviour, “he it is that loveth Me.” And none of His commandments are “grievous.”

(2) It is reasonable and righteous in your friend to expect that you should own Him and honour him before men.

(3) It is reasonable and righteous in your friend to expect that you should readily believe him and confide in him.

(4) It is reasonable and righteous in your friend to expect that you should be fair and open and unreserved with him.

(5) It is reasonable and righteous that your friend should expect that,, if any of his friends and relations be near you, you should behave kindly towards them. David inquired on a particular occasion, “Is there any here of the house of Saul, that I may deal kindly towards them for Jonathan’s sake?” The Saviour has brethren and sisters.

(6) It is reasonable and righteous in your friend to expect that if he left any emblem or memorial of his, you should highly prize it. Such a memorial you have with regard to Him in the Lord’s supper. It is the only representation of Him He has left in His church. Conclusion: There are such who have not this Saviour for their Friend: and is not this the case with some of you?--yea, with many of you. What! has He “no form, nor comeliness, nor any beauty, that you should desire Him?” who yet is “fairer than the children of men”; yea, who is “altogether lovely.” We speak this to your shame. Lord Brooks was a nobleman of our own country, but so charmed was he with that wise and accomplished person, Sir Philip Sidney, that, when he died, he would have no other inscription upon his tomb than this--“Here lies the friend of Sir Philip Sidney.” Oh, may my tomb but tell a tale that truly states here lies a friend of Jesus! (W. Jay, M. A.)

A test of friendship

Trusting a friend so long as there is no room for doubt or distrust, is very well so far as it goes. A decent man can hardly do any less than this. It is always easy to trust a friend as far as one sees. But the real test of fidelity in friendship is when others doubt or question, and when there is room or occasion for two opinions as to a friend’s conduct and appearance. True friendship evidences itself when one has to walk by faith, and not by sight. If one rests his trust on the friend because of what others think of that friend, that is one thing--there is no special friendship in that. But real friendship does not depend on outside testimony or opinions.

(Christian Weekly.)

Friendship

Friendship is a vase, which, when it is flawed by heat, or violence, or accident, may as well be broken at once; it never can be trusted after. The more graceful and ornamental it was, the more clearly do we discern the hopelessness of restoring it to its former state. Coarse stones if they are fractured may be cemented again: precious ones never. (Landor.)

Kindness

The love of friends is an active passion, and delights in rendering services and bestowing benefits. So sensible of this were the ancients that, in discussing the duties of friendship, what they asked was, not how much one friend ought to do for another, but where the limit was at which he ought to stop. They took it for granted that he would do, suffer, and give, all he could for his friend’s sake; and they only prescribed to him to restrain himself at the point where his zeal might clash with some still higher obligation to his family, his country, or his God. In accordance with this they represented friendship in art as a young man, bareheaded and rudely attired, to signify activity and aptness for service. Upon the fringe of his garment was written Death and Life, as signifying that in life and death friendship is the same. On his forehead was inscribed Summer and Winter, meaning that in prosperity or adversity friendship knows no change, except in the variety of its services. The left shoulder and the arm were naked down to the heart, to which the finger of the right hand pointed at the words Far and Near, which expressed that true friendship is not impaired by time or dissolved by distance. Of this feature in the friendship of Jesus it would be easy to give examples. (J. Stalker, M. A.)

Concerning kindness to our best friend

Mr. Payson, the American divine, was out one day with a brother minister who had to make a call at a lady’s house, and Payson went in with him. The lady pressed them both to stay to tea. She was not a Christian woman, and Payson had other business, and ‘therefore demurred; but as she pressed him very earnestly he sat down, and invoked the divine blessing, which he did in terms so sweet and full of holy unction that he impressed everybody. The lady waited upon him with great attention, and when he rose up to go he said to her, “Madam, I thank you much for your great kindness to us; but how do you treat my Master?” A work of grace was wrought in that lady by the question; she was brought to Jesus; she opened her house for preaching, and a revival followed..