Proverbs 27:10

Better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.

Sociability

This proverb points out that when assistance is needed the near neighbour, though he may love less, is more useful than the brother who is far away. Society is absolutely necessary for human existence. Companionship forces us to think and feel in common. A large-hearted sociability corrects irrational prejudices. As no two minds are exactly alike, so no two can see any subject from exactly the same standpoint. The greater number of minds we can bring to bear on any aspect of truth, the nearer shall we be to the aspect that is right. It may be objected that many think erroneously, and therefore companionship with them would lead us from, and not towards, the truth. It would if we adopted their opinions, but not if, by sifting and searching them, we grasped our own more firmly. The same holds true in the realm of Christian experience. Sociability is, then, a duty we all owe to society, one which we ought scrupulously to pay according to our means and our opportunities. About the nature of true sociability great mistakes are made. Amusement is not the first purpose of society. To be truly sociable we must be able to make society more Christian than it was; to infuse into it something more, however little, of the spirit of sympathy, truth, purity, and love than it had. But to do this we must have the spirit ourselves. We ought also to be able to make it more intellectual, by adding information, giving ideas, and stimulating to mental effort. Then we cannot always be in society. It is in solitude we gather those germs of thought that we are afterwards to scatter. The power we have of influencing society by our words is one whose value we cannot over-estimate, one that ought to be cultivated to the very highest pitch. The benefit derived from companionship must depend on the persons with whom we associate. Bad companions have led many to ruin. Sociability has a tendency to produce hypocrisy, and subsequent self-deception in certain characters. Conversation in society is, too often, neither true nor edifying. By insensible degrees the vapid talker becomes the idle gossip, and the gossip sinks into the envenomed slanderer. It is, then, in our power to influence society for good or ill. Sociability must be either a curse or a blessing as we use it. (J. McCann, D.D.)

Friendship

The Lord Jesus found strength and consolation in the love of human friends. That He should not only have pitied men, and loved them, but should have found here and there men and women whose presence and affection were a relief to Him, under the burden of His griefs; men and women who gave Him rest when He was weary, and joy when He was troubled; this may seem surprising to as. Christ Himself, the Son of the Eternal, had His human friends. He loved all men well enough to die for them, but there were some whom He loved more than others.

1. Some men are so happy as to inherit friends from their fathers. The love of our father’s friend is worth having. If he is a good man, there will be a certain power in him that will be a restraint to keep now in the good way your father would have approved. Your father’s experience of life survives in him to give you counsel. If he should ever be in trouble, pay your father’s debts in friendly attention to him.

2. “Thine own friend forsake not.” There are friends and friends. Most of our friends are acquaintances, and nothing more. Friendships of the perfect and ideal sort are necessarily rare. By friends we mean those for whom we have a strong affection, and who have a strong affection for us. A wise man said, “I want my friends to stand by me when I am wrong; other people will stand by me when I am right.” When you have friends of that sort, forsake them not. Keep them when you have them.

3. Friendships which fall far short of this ideal are also worth keeping. For the most part our friends must be people whose circumstances and education and history are very much like our own. There are people who drop a whole set of their “friends” whenever they get a considerable rise in their income. For the most part, close and real friendships must be formed early in life. When close friendships are formed after a man has passed middle life, it is usually with much younger persons.

4. Of the place and power of friendship in life, only those who have had and retained loyal and worthy friends, can have any real knowledge. Bacon says, “Friendship redoubleth joys and cutteth grief in halves.” Friendships assist to check and to subdue that selfish absorption in our own successes and in our own sorrows which poison the very springs of life and brings paralysis on all its nobler powers. Our confidence in their goodness and our delight in their affection save us from cynicism. We think the better of the human race because we think so well of them. When we do not absolutely accept the judgment of a friend, it clears our mind to discuss a difficult question with him. Our friends take the side of all that is best in us against whatever is mean and cowardly and dangerous; they serve the purpose of an external conscience. Our friends see us, not merely as we are, but as we might be.

5. The Christian will form his closest friendships with men who share his faith in Christ and his hope of immortality. Such friends will continue to be our friends in the realms that lie beyond death. (R. W. Dale, LL.D.)

Genuine friendship

I. Friendship is based of true love. Concord of sentiment, agreement of taste, unity of purpose, frequent companionship, are not enough. These may exist without the binding together of hearts. Love is the essential element of true friendship. “For my friend first, and then for myself,” is the spirit of true friendship. The idea of sacrifice is in friendship, and sacrifice is in the very nature of love.

II. Friendship is reciprocal in its growth and preservation. It cannot be a one-sided thing. Seneca said, “Love if you wish to be loved.” The atmosphere of suspicion or distrust is fatal to real friendship.

III. Genuine friendship strengthens in the time of trial. There is nothing like adversity to test life’s attachments. See some points of duty in true friendship. Do not encourage your friend to your secrets. If they are disclosed, see that you never betray them. There is a becoming reticence and dignity even in friendship. Do not think you can treat your friend anyhow because he is your friend. The dearest friendships cannot dispense with thoughtfulness, kindness, and politeness. Do not allow any trivial matter to interfere with your friendship. Do not forget to pray for, and seek, the spiritual welfare of your friend. As you believe in the power of prayer, pray for your friend. Cultivate close and endearing fellowship with the best Friend--the Friend of Sinners. (J. Hiles Hitchens, D.D.)

On friendship

Whatever relates to the behaviour of men in their social character is of great importance in religion. The duties which spring from that character form many branches of the great law of charity. True piety is not less friendly to men than zealous for the honour of God. Deal with the nature and duties of virtuous friendship, as closely connected with the true spirit of religion. Among mankind, friendships or connections are of different kinds. Some so-called friendships would better be called conspiracies. Some are but the connections of political parties. Private friendships flow from similarity of disposition, corresponding harmony of minds. Sincere and affectionate friendships form some of the greatest blessings of human life. The fundamental duties of true friendship are constancy and fidelity.

1. Do not expect perfection in any with whom you contract friendship. If we do, we shall be sure to meet with disappointments. Young people are apt to cherish romantic ideas, and to form impossible expectations. In the best persons, great and solid qualities counterbalance the common infirmities. To these qualities you should look in forming friendships; to good-sense and prudence; virtue, good-temper and steadiness of affection.

2. Do not be hurt by differences of opinion arising in intercourse with your friends. These are sure to occur. Perpetual uniformity of thought would become monotonous and insipid.

3. Cultivate openness of temper and manners. Nothing more certainly dissolves friendship than the jealousy which arises from darkness and concealment.

4. Cultivate gentle and obliging manners. It is a common error that familiar intimacy supersedes attention to the lesser duties of behaviour. Let no harshness, no appearance of neglect, no supercilious affectation of superiority, occur in the intercourse of friends. A tart reply, a proneness to rebuke, a captious and contradictious spirit, are often known to embitter domestic life and to set friends at variance.

5. Do not rashly listen to evil reports against your friends. Be slow of believing anything against the friend whom you have chosen. Suffer not the poison of jealousy easily to taint your mind and break your peace.

6. Do not desert your friend in danger or distress. When your friend is calumniated, then is the time openly and boldly to espouse his cause. The honourable zeal of friendship has, in every age, attracted the veneration of mankind. (Hugh Blair, D.D.)

Reasons for valuing true friendship

1. Because of the pleasure of it. There is a great deal of sweetness in consulting and conversing with a cordial friend. The sweetness of friendship lies not in hearty mirth, but in hearty counsel, faithful advice, sincerely given, and without flattery.

2. Because of the profit and advantage of it, especially in a day of calamity. Don’t expect relief from a kinsman for kinsman’s sake, but apply yourselves to your neighbours, who are at hand, and will be ready to help us at an exigence. (Matthew Henry.)

The friendship of God towards man, and man towards God

There is no friend like an old friend. It is the heat of a whole life that has melted together the hearts of those who have walked together the long walk of life as friends. It is possible for any who seek the Lord and His will to be reckoned among His friends. God is the Friend of man; and man is admitted to be the friend of God. What are the terms on which we should stand towards a friend? In hollow friendships two things are wanting, faith and love. But in the friendship we are permitted to cherish towards God these are the very corner-stones, an enlightened lively faith and a glowing active love. Are we enjoying the heavenly sunshine of this Divine fatherly friendship? If so, we shaft show it in our own faithful, affectionate life, as friends of God. Of all living agencies a friend is the most alive, the most alert. (Archdeacon Mildmay.)

Near and far off

The antithetical phrases, “at hand” and “far off,” have evident reference here, not to locality, but to disposition. A friendly and kindly-disposed neighbour, who bears no relation to us save that of neighbourhood, is greatly preferable to a brother--to any relation whatever--who is cold, distant, and alienated. Even natural affection requires to be exercised with discretion. When appealed to injudiciously, at improper times, in improper circumstances, and with improper frequency, it may be cooled, it may be lost, it may be turned to dislike. (R. Wardlaw, D.D.)