Colossians 3:18-19

18. Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Translation and Paraphrase

18. (You) women, be in subjection to (your) husbands, as is proper in (the) Lord (Jesus). (Arrange yourselves in the proper relationships with your husbands.)
19. (You) men, love (your) wives, and do not be embittered toward them. (Do not allow bitterness to build up within you, or to issue from your mouth.)

Notes

1.

Colossians 3:18-25; Colossians 4:1 is a new section in our outline. Instructions for special groups of people. It deals with interpersonal relationships between Christians. Note that all of our interpersonal relationships are to be done in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18; Colossians 3:20; Colossians 3:22). If the Lord does not guide all of your life, he probably is not Lord at all.

2.

Colossians and Ephesians alone of all of Paul's writings give a detailed treatment of the home and the duties of husbands and wives. (Ephesians 5:22-33; Compare 1 Peter 3:1-7.)

The fact that Colossians and Ephesians both contain this material that is unique in all of Paul's letters tends to confirm the close relationship between the two letters. We believe that they were written within a few days of one another, and sent out together.

3.

Let us not forget that the remarks in the preceding passages apply to Paul's discussion about the home. In our homes we must seek the things that are above, not the things on the earth. (Colossians 3:1-2). In our homes we must put to death the members of the flesh. (Colossians 3:5). In our homes we must put on the new man. (Colossians 3:10). In our homes we must do everything in Christ's name. (Colossians 3:17).

4.

In one way husbands and wives are perfectly equal. (Galatians 3:28). But in another way the wife is to be in subjection to the husband, as the church is subject unto Christ.

The wife's subjection is not a state of slavery to the husband. Nowhere in scripture is the wife commanded to obey her husband. He has no right to order her about. Her subjection consists in her recognition that she was created as a helper for him, and that he is the head of the home. It is her responsibility to help him, and go with him in fulfillment of his life's work. She will find her happiness and fulfillment in her joyful acceptance of this role.

If the husband is as kind a head over his house, as Christ is kind as head over the church, no woman could possibly resent her husband's headship.

5.

It is fitting, or proper, in the Lord that the wife thus be in subjection. It is fitting both in the eyes of men and of God

6.

The Roman world gave very little honor and few rights to women and children. Christianity gives rights to them as well as to husbands and fathers.

7.

The command for husbands to love their wives is always needed. Love will wipe suspicions away, produce gratitude and kindness, and keep a multitude of small misunderstandings from eroding away the happiness of a basically blessed marriage.

The command to husbands to love their wives would be especially needed in a society where marriages were arranged by the parents on the basis of social and financial considerations, and not by the couple themselves on the basis of love.

8.

Husbands must be careful not to be bitter or irritated against their wives, and careful not to speak bitterly. The husband may soon forget what he said, but such words may burn more deeply into the feelings of the wife than the husband ever knows.

9.

In Titus 2:4 the wife also is instructed to love her husband. Thus love is not solely a responsibility that the husband must take care to cultivate in marriage; the wife must be loving too.

Study and Review

53.

What does it mean for a wife to be in subjection to her husband? (Colossians 3:18)

54.

Why is it fitting in the Lord for a wife to be in subjection?

55.

Why should the husband be told to love his wife, when the wife is not told to love her husband? (Colossians 3:19; Compare Titus 2:4)

56.

Is the command against bitterness in husbands greatly needed? (Colossians 3:19)