Efésios 5:21-33

DISCOURSE: 2121
THE MARRIAGE UNION

Efésios 5:21. Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall he joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

AMONGST those who are attached to the peculiarities of the Gospel, it is often a subject of regret, that the great mass of nominal Christians are not acquainted with its principles. But I am inclined to think, that there is nearly the same occasion for regret, that many who profess, and actually have attained, somewhat of vital godliness, are but very imperfectly instructed in its duties. The sublimer parts of morality are really almost as little known as the deeper mysteries of our holy religion. Take, for instance, the conduct enjoined in the fourteenth chapter of the Epistle to the Romans: I doubt whether there be many who would have written such a piece of casuistry: and few, I fear, would have approved of it when written, if it had not come forth with the authority of a divine revelation. What a paradox would it appear to the generality, if I were to tell them, that the very same act, under different circumstances, might be an acceptable service and a damning sin; and the whole difference consisting in its being done in the presence of one who approved of it, or of one who doubted its lawfulness! Yet such is the Apostle’s determination respecting the practice of things indifferent in themselves; and which become bounden duties, or fatal sins, according to the views which they have who do them. I could, if there were time, illustrate the sublimity of the Christian code, in reference to all our most acknowledged duties: but I shall confine myself to the subject more appropriate to the present occasion [Note: An extemporaneous Address at the Marriage of a Friend.]. St. Paul, in this passage, places the duties of man and wife in a light peculiarly simple and beautiful. He comprehends both under one single term: “Wives, submit: Husbands, love.” Thus far we are prepared to approve of his requisitions; the duties respectively belonging to the two parties being generally acknowledged. But, if I should proceed to place these requisitions in their true light, and insist upon them in their full extent, I am not sure that I should not excite, amongst the less-instructed part of us at least, a measure of surprise. Yet I am not afraid, but that, if in the former part of my observations I should appear to bear somewhat hard upon the female sex, I shall, before I close the subject, find a perfect acquiescence on their part, when they shall see what provision God has made for their happiness in wedded life. But I shall be careful to speak nothing myself: I shall only bring before you what the Apostle has spoken: and if his demands appear to be too severe, I shall shelter myself under his wing; being well assured that you will all yield to his authority, without gainsaying.

You must have observed, that in all the passages of Scripture where the relative duties are insisted on, those of the inferior are always stated first. Nor is this without reason: for they are all enjoined by God: and, however difficult they may appear, especially where the superior neglects to perform the duties assigned to him, they must all be observed from a regard to the authority of that God who has imposed them; nor must any one imagine, that his duties are a whit the less incumbent on him because the superior neglects his. Power, in whomsoever it is vested, is God’s: and the person bearing it, so far as it is truly committed to him, is God’s representative and vicegerent. And I conceive, that this is the reason of that order, which, from being uniformly observed in the Scriptures, we may well suppose to have been wittingly and wisely fixed.
The submission of the wife to her husband must be entire, cheerful, uniform, “as unto the Lord,” because the husband is as truly the head of the wife, as Christ is the Head of the Church. And I hope I shall not appear to speak too strongly, if I say, that there is no other limit to her submission to her earthly lord, than to her heavenly; unless he require any thing that is contrary to the will of God: for then she must yield to that authority which is paramount, and obey God rather than man. I certainly feel, that, in speaking thus, I may appear to require too much of the wife, and to place her almost on the footing of a slave. But you yourselves shall judge. Tell me what is the meaning of those words, “As the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands, in every thing?” I confess to you that this appears somewhat harsh; and I should not have dared to utter it myself. But I am not at liberty to soften it, or to introduce into God’s word any qualifying expressions, to lower the standard he has given us. You yourselves see the comparison which is instituted by God himself, and the extent of the requisition that is made. Had the comparison been omitted, we might possibly have thought that the expression, “every thing,” was, what is confessedly common in the Scriptures, an universal term put for a general; and that, consequently, it did admit of some modifications and exceptions. But who will so construe the obedience which the Church owes to Christ? If, then, we cannot so limit the requisition in the one case, neither can we in the other: and, consequently, in our statement of the duties of a wife, we must take the ground which is laid in Scripture, and set forth the will of God as it is plainly declared in the inspired volume.

But, though so much is required of the wife, that I could not have ventured to state it in any terms but those of Scripture itself, I must candidly acknowledge that I account it a rich mercy to the wife that her duty is thus highly stated and plainly declared. For it must of necessity happen, in a married state, that some differences of opinion should occasionally arise, and a contrariety of inclination also occur, in reference to some points: and if God had not determined beforehand whose judgment should preponderate, and whose will should stand, there might be collisions, which might painfully interrupt domestic harmony. But God, having required unqualified submission on the part of the wife, has cut off all occasion for discord; I may almost say, all possibility of it, where the wife understands her duty, and is ready to perform it. Of course, a modest statement, both of her sentiments and wishes, may be given: but where her husband cannot by these means be persuaded, she has no alternative left: obedience is the course which God has ordained for her; and she should pay it cheerfully, “as unto the Lord.”
If this appear, as I fear it will, “an hard saying,” I am happy to say, that that impression will soon be removed, by stating, in the next place, the duties of the husband. “Husbands, love your wives.” And what difficulty is there in obeying the commands of love, or in submitting to its dictates?
But here we observe, in relation to him, the counterpart of the comparison which has been before made in relation to the wife. Is the wife to submit to her husband as unreservedly as the Church submits to Christ? Know ye, that the husband is to love his wife as truly and tenderly, yea, and, as far as it is possible, to the very same extent too, “as Christ has loved the Church.” Let us contemplate this a little; and we shall subscribe heartily to all that has been before spoken. Consider how the Lord Jesus Christ has loved the Church. She was altogether alienated from him, and incapable of adding to his happiness; yet did he disrobe himself of all the glory and blessedness of heaven, yea, and assume our nature, and “bear our sins in his own body on the tree,” on purpose to bring his Church into a full and everlasting participation of his kingdom and glory. And now that he has done this, he imposes no one command on her but what conduces to her happiness: and if in any thing he thwart her inclinations, he does it for her good; consulting, in every thing, not his own sovereign will, but her present and eternal welfare. Now, let us suppose a husband to act on this principle: let us suppose him ready to exercise self-denial, to the utmost possible extent, for the good of his wife: let us suppose him so to pant after her happiness, as to be willing to do any thing, or suffer any thing, in order to promote it: let us suppose him never to propose any thing to her, but for her good; and never, in any instance, to thwart her, but with a view to her truest happiness: methinks she would never complain of the extent of her duty to him; it would be all easy, all delightful. Let it be remembered, then, that this is the husband’s duty to his wife. But as, in the former case, I confined myself to the very words of Scripture, so will I do in this; lest I appear to over-state the duty on the husband’s part. “Husbands, love your wives; even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such tiling, but that it should be holy, and without blemish.” Let there be such tender, affectionate, self-denying exertions on the husband’s part, to promote the welfare and happiness of his wife; and what returns will not she readily make to him? Verily, submission to his will, will be not so much her duty as her delight.

As for the other comparison contained in this passage, namely, of the man loving his wife as his own flesh, I forbear to make any observations upon it, wishing to detain you as short a time as possible.
There is one thing only that I will add, which will be applicable to us all. Hitherto I have dwelt chiefly on those points which the occasion has suggested: but let us not forget, that the whole Church of Christ is his bride; and that the duty of a wife towards her husband, as set forth in this passage, may serve to shew us, in some measure, our duty towards our heavenly Lord. Does a wife leave her father and mother, and cleave to her husband? so must we forsake all that is dear to us in this world, to cleave unto Christ: for he has expressly warned us, that “if, in coming to him, we forsake not all that we have, we cannot be his disciples.” We must also fulfil his will in every thing, without hesitation and without reserve. Obedience to him must be our delight: and if, for a moment, a wish arise in our minds that is contrary to his will, we must sacrifice it instantly; and say, “Not my will, but thine be done.” Thus, whilst “the mystery concerning Christ and his Church” is mystically fulfilled in our dear friends who are about to be joined together in the bonds of matrimony, it will be literally and spiritually fulfilled in us.